Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
