I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
