Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
