The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
