you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
