I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
