When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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