The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
