so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
