He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
