tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
