okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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