My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
