it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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