My hand turned me down
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
