Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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