bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
