Please, let me fuck your mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
