Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
