Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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