i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
