that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
