If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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