dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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