i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
