true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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