btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
