Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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