he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
