And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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