Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have fence marks all over my body
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
