So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
