You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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