i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
