You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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