at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
