Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
