Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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