my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
false alarm, still single
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
