how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
