Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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