Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
