so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
