You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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