the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
