Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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