u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
