I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
