She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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