Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
