You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
