Dual....:-)
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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