i love accidental penises.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize