dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
