he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
