Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
