I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
