All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
