I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
