Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
