i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
