i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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