well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
