i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
