How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Houston, we have a squirter
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
