Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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