What a fucking waste of an outfit
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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