he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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