I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
