so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
