Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
