i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
