I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
